THEY say there's never a wrong way to grieve; that everyone has their own certain way of saying goodbye to a loved one. That's BS! I do believe that THEY are wrong. I've grieved my deceased husband of 31 years for over 5 years now. I've had his ashes in a beautiful bronze urn that I've moved from one place to another, over those years, looking for answers and peace. And when a loved one dies, it seems you make a lot of different moves to deal with your loss and hopeless feelings. It's heavy too, the urn. And so are your feelings of loss and hopelessness. These are my 3 must do rules, I've finally discovered, as you grieve the loss of a loved one.
1. You Must Have a Memorial Service - Announce it in the newspaper, (I know it's expensive these days) just do it! Some people say, "I don't want a service or funeral of any kind when I die. Just bury or cremate me and get it over with." No, you must allow others to come and give condolences to you and your loved one. Even if only one person comes to say goodbye at the designated memorial place, it's important to let people know this person lived a life on Earth and now is gone to another place and this is the time to acknowledge them in some sacred way. It really doesn't matter what the deceased person wants, do this for YOU.
2. Let Mourners Send Flowers - Forget asking donations to a charity, get the flowers. People love to send arrangements and it's so easy these days. And who doesn't love to get flowers??? It's a wonderful source of memories for you to have in the years thereafter. And of course you must reciprocate with a thank you note. Don't even think of not sending a thank you card, where the heck are your manners! I know you're grieving, but just do it. Oh, and keep the live plants and donate the cut arrangements to a nursing home.
3. Decide Where Your Loved One's Body or Ashes Will Finally Rest - Most important, let go of the body or ashes, give it a final resting place; a secure place like a well maintained cemetery that will be taken care of thru the years. If you spread the ashes, mark the area so others can go and visit from time to time. Key here is VISIT. VISIT don't stay there. Also, key is don't leave urns or ashes around the house. I mentioned above, a secure place. When YOU kick the bucket, those keepsakes, urns, or ashes might get thrown out or sold at a garage sale... Just saying.
My loved one, Mike Hocut's ashes, who readily served his country in the 70s, will be entombed at the secure and well-maintained Arkansas Veterans Memorial Cemetery.
I know it's hard but do attempt to get a giggle in today. Have you giggled today???
